Routines, scripts, lines, things to say. Some love ‘em, some hate ‘em, nearly everyone misunderstands them.

For those who are unfamiliar with the term, a routine is simply a memorized script of varying length. So in essence, both our kneejerk “fine” response to “how are you?” and a memorized, pre-scripted story are routines. One is simply longer and more complex than the other. Obviously, all of us use routines in one way or another.

Routines (whether yours or someone else’s) can also take the form of being canned, meaning that you’ve practiced them over and over again until you can deliver them well, or Stock, which means they’re generic, off-the-shelf scripts, usually created by others. Both can be very useful tools, especially if you don’t have a lot of natural talent.

Now before we move on, let’s take a quick quiz.

Question: What do you think is the main purpose for routines? What is the main purpose for openers? Now what is the main purpose for attraction routines? Stories?

Think about it for a minute.

…

Ready for the answer? If you said “to open,” “to get attraction,” or “to DHV,” you’re in agreement with most of the community. Unfortunately, you’re still incorrect. That’s short term thinking, and it’s an extremely common mistake.

The correct answer to all of these questions is the same: To teach you a skill.

That’s it.

Not to hook sets, or to open a set, or to get attraction, or to get you laid.

A routine is simply a training wheel to teach you a specific skill—in the same way that training wheels on a bike are designed to teach you to RIDE. In the same way that “floaties” are designed to teach you to become comfortable in the water and to swim. Like training wheels, routines are NOT primarily designed to keep you upright or afloat. The word for that is crutch.

I didn’t understand this concept for a long time. No one ever explained it to me. I was a hard-core Mystery Method guy in the 2005-2006 timeframe and I thought canned routines were the best thing since sliced bread. I thought routines were there to get you laid. Even Mystery still used routines. They had to be the holy grail of pickup, right?

The problem was that I was trying to use the WHAT without understanding the WHY. I was trying to use them for short term gain instead of their more useful long term development.

Routines are MOST useful when used for skill development. Stories, for example, are not primarily designed to create comfort, or attraction, or even to get a result in a set. They are designed to teach you storytelling. Any result you get from their use is secondary. Likewise, banter is designed to teach you humor and playfulness. Push-pull is designed to teach you to be a challenge and to not be predictable and boring. Openers are designed to teach you to engage people and hold court in groups. Oftentimes these routines can get us better results infield, but sometimes they do not. Sometimes they can intentionally blow us out (like the infamous “Shocker” routines from BradP).

And that’s ok.

Because we aren’t using them directly to get better results. We’re using them to teach us the skills that will make us more attractive, and ultimately, more successful.

The main problem a lot of guys have using routines is that they use them for the wrong reasons. Don’t use routines as crutches so you don’t have to learn to think on your feet. Use them as training wheels to teach you the fundamentals.

And conversely, if you’re not naturally talented socially, don’t shy away from routines because you think they’re inauthentic or disingenuous. They’re no more inauthentic than when you tell a story that you’ve told before, or when someone says hello and you response with, “hi.” Not using routines when you lack natural talent is like not practicing free throws when you lack natural basketball ability – namely, stupid. Even Shaq finally started practicing free throws.

Stand up comedians, politicians, public speakers, and basically anyone on a stage learn to speak using routines (unless you’re a former president who just tries to improvise). Only they call them speeches. Sometimes they write their own speeches, and other times they have someone else write them. But the end result is the same – they learn to speak by practicing their speeches. If you want to become good at pick up, you must do the same.

Eventually, you’ll lose the need to use routines. If you’ve been using routines correctly for more than a year and they’re starting to get you diminishing returns, you’re probably at that point. You probably need to start dropping them and teaching yourself how to improvise. That doesn’t mean you’ll always improvise everything 100%, but you want to progress to where you no longer need routines. You’ll no longer have to rely on them. You’ll be able to tell stories on the fly. You’ll be able to banter because you understand the concepts and underlying mechanisms. You’ll be able to open with whatever’s on your mind.

You will become a natural.

And that, gents, is really the goal of all of this. Unconscious competence. To internalize your skill set so much that you no longer think about it. To have such social mastery that at times, you take your own skills for granted because they are executed so effortlessly. That’s what you should be working towards.

Don’t gaze at the trees so long that you lose sight of the forest.

Coming soon: Part 2 in “The Truth About Routines” — Getting Started

Mike said:

I just saw this talk and Ratisse’ talk and I have a question about ejecting from conversations, because I see a method conflict.

Fuji makes the point that you should maximize your interactions by staying in them until you are asked to leave but not just when your audience shows disinterest.

On the other hand Ratisse describes a strategy for working bars/clubs/parties where you have short conversations with a good chunk of the people you are not ‘targeting’ . Then while the groups are comfortable, you try and pull away your target. AFC Adam describes something similar, except Ratisse even tries to treat individuals as groups as well. That’s a subtlety.

So is premature ejecltion so bad? You leave so you go on talking to other people. I was at a club last night practicing these quick conversations, but it was before seeing either of the talks and I ended up feeling I didn’t build enough rapport/comfort with them. The groups were too cohesive for me to just break people out of them. I admit I didn’t try to pull them away; instead I just found opportunities where there were 3-sets so I could just get the 3rd person into a conversation alone.

I feel there is a wide rift between these two strategies. I see the pros/cons in each ( differences in rapport and differences in whether you look too needy ) , but could someone shed some light on unifying them with a common principle ?

Hey Mike,

This is a great question. You’re definitely paying attention. Here’s how to reconcile these two seemingly-different strategies.

Ratisse is describing a variation on short-set theory. That is, a specific tactic used to create social proof and oftentimes jealousy plotlines. I use something like this fairly often.

What I was advocating in my speech is focusing on the skill set and pushing every set as far as it will go. The two are not mutually exclusive. They just focus on different goals and different skill sets.

At the risk of oversimplifying things, Here’s a quick flow chart to see which one you should GENERALLY use. For each question, if the answer is yes, go to the next step. If the answer is no, default to staying in set the way I described in my speech.

1. Do you open at least 5 sets per night?

2. Are you in set at least 75% of your night? In other words, if you’re in field for 3 hours, you should be “in set” talking for at least 2:15 of the 3:00 hours.

3. Can you start conversation that lasts at least 5 minutes with at least 50% of your sets?

4. Do you stay in set even when they shows you disinterest?

5. Do you have over a handful of lays (5+) within the last year from cold approach?

6. If you’ve answered yes to all 5 previous questions, try out short set theory and Ratisse’s strategies. Just don’t eject from sets because you’re afraid of rejection. Make ejecting a STRATEGY and not a REACTION. The best time to eject from a set (aside from after orgasm) is, ironically, when things are going really, really well.

If you guys haven’t seen the footage, it’s a nearly 2 hour lecture on “Getting Good at Game,” streamed FREE, courtesy of Dream. Take a look. Comments and questions always welcome.