RSS 2.0Flash Forward, Blasians, and Interracial Dating
Posted in Current Events, Pickup, Self Improvement on 11/09/2009 08:05 am by DJ Fuji
Photo by EuphoriaLuv
So I’m addicted to the new TV show Flash Forward, about something that causes the entire world to black out for 2 minutes while seeing a vision of their lives 6 months in the future. It’s a really, really good show so far – if you haven’t seen it yet, I’d highly recommend it. Just remember that it’s like lays potato chips – you can’t have just one. You’ve been warned.
One of the things in particular that struck me about the show was the really progressive interracial and gay relationships between various characters. There’s both a blasian (Black + Asian) and lesbian+interracial relationship, both of which are pretty rare, especially in Hollywood. Some are even saying that it’s the first-ever on-screen romance between an Asian man and Black woman. Kudos to ABC for having the balls to break stereotypes like that.
More specifically, Korean-American actor John Cho (of Harold and Kumar fame) plays an FBI agent who is engaged to hottie Gabrielle Union (Bad Boys II). The whole black-girl-with-asian-guy thing has become WAY more common over the last few years (I have my theories on that), although it’s still a pretty rare thing to see overall. I’ve dated several black girls (okay, mostly half black), and you do see a lot of double takes when you’re out in public.
This brings me to an important point – Asian (including Indian) men generally have a harder time dating (especially interracially) than any other ethnic group. That’s why the ‘blasian’ relationship from the show was such a big deal. Hell, it’s getting to the point where Asian guys are even having trouble dating Asian women [PDF].
But why? Asian women certainly don’t seem to have a problem with dating, interracially or otherwise. What’s causing this discrepancy and how do we fix it?
Let me start off by saying I don’t normally focus much on interracial dating and the whole ‘Asian’ thing because I don’t see it as being that big of a deal. It’s no different than any other disqualifier.
Yeah, I said it. It’s a disqualifier. All you militant-asian-pride-malcolm-x-types, that’s your cue to start flaming and ranting.
Being Asian in America (and much of western society) is a disqualifier. Same with being short. Or having a round face. Or being introverted. Come to think of it, if I really wanted to feel sorry for myself, it’d certainly be understandable… considering that I am all of these things.
Yup, Asian, short, round-faced, and introverted. What a combination, huh?
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that there’s anything wrong with being asian. I’m very proud of my ethnic and cultural background. But I also don’t bury my head in the sand and delude myself when there are dozens of studies done that show that in the western dating scene (and much of the non-asian world in general), being Asian is not an advantage. Blame it on the media, or on cultural programming, or evolutionary psychology, or any number of factors, but the facts are the facts. Don’t believe me? Let’s do a quick google search to see what we can find…
“Caucasian females are least likely to date Asian men…”
–blackstate.com, 2008 U.S. Census Results
“…in 75 percent of Asian-white marriages, the husband is white.”
–interracialdatingcentral.com
“Asian American men are the least preferred mate for Caucasian women.”
–University of California, Irvine Case Study
“But statistically the one man in America no one wants a triple X throwdown with is sideshow William Hung, actor John Cho and a multitude of their Asian American male counterparts.”
–cintrawilson.com
“The researchers, after controlling for all other attributes (height, weight, attractiveness, etc.), calculated how much extra income (relative to the income of the average online male dater, $62,500) a man would need to overcome the racial barrier. …For equal success with a white woman, an African-American needs to earn an additional $154,000; a Hispanic man needs $77,000; an Asian needs $247,000.”
–Tierney, J., http://tierneylab.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/04/13/single-female-seeking-same-race-male/)
“…our main finding is that Asians generally receive lower ratings than men of other races. In fact, when we run the regressions separately for each race, we find that even Asian women find white, black, and Hispanic men to be more attractive than Asian men. Given that Asian men were the group that other races expressed strongest preference against, and that Asian women expressed the least preference against other races, the results in Table 6 suggest that attractiveness may play an important role in the determination of racial preferences, especially those against Asian men.”
(Fisman, R., Iyengar, S., et al., Columbia University, “Racial Preferences in Dating”, 2007)
If you’re an asian guy reading this, you probably didn’t need those studies to confirm what we’ve all thought pretty much our entire lives:
Dating is f*cking hard for Asian guys.
It’s true. But here’s the thing– crying about it helps NO ONE. That’s why I don’t spend a whole lot of time thinking or talking about this issue. Do I have to approach things differently being Asian? Sure, but it’s really minor. 95% of “game” is the same no matter how old, tall, or what color you are.
Dating is really no different than any other skill. And it’s simply that. A skill.
Look at it this way: Many of us either came to America or had parents or grandparents that did. That means a whole lot of Asians are bilingual or don’t speak English as their mother tongue. Now go to any high school in America and look at the racial demographics of the Advanced Placement/Honors English course. Notice anything? Perhaps the disproportionately high percentage of Asian kids in that class, many of whom learned English as a second or third language?
Now imagine if those kids would be sitting in that class if their parents had let them give up on ever getting A’s in English because they didn’t grow up speaking it. Unlikely.
What I’m getting at is that the hardships you were born with or had growing up mean relatively little in terms of achieving success. Otherwise Asians wouldn’t be good at academics in a foreign country where they didn’t grow up speaking the language. That’s a BIG barrier to success but it’s hardly even noticeable among academic success with Asians and Asian Americans. Our culture hasn’t let that hold us back. If anything, the culture has stressed that you should do whatever it takes to overcome those obstacles. Now take this same attitude and apply it to dating (or any other skill), and what you’ll find is that a simple shift in emphasis and mindset makes a world of difference.
If you want to be successful at this or anything else in life, the key is to acknowledge your situation, then to systematically enhance and highlight your strengths while minimizing your weaknesses.
For most Asian guys who are interested in bettering their dating lives (whether interracially or not), you’ll likely have some similar sticking points due to cultural upbringing. Here are the common ones:
- Dominance. Going after what you want in life and expecting to get it. Asking for what you want.
- Leading & Taking Risks. Directly related to dominance.
- Playful. Teasing, fun, and having a good sense of humor.
- Kinesthetic: Being comfortable with physical contact and touching
- Emotionally Expressive. Being expressive facially and with body language and tonality
- Sexuality. Being comfortable expressing your sexuality
If there’s enough interest, I’ll address each of these points in-depth in a future article. Leave me a comment if you’re interested.
So let’s talk action. Take out a sheet of paper right now. Make two vertical columns, and label the left side “strengths” and the right side “weaknesses.” Now write down 10 of each.
Now turn the sheet over and for each strength, write 3 ways you can enhance or take advantage of them. For weaknesses, write 3 ACTIONABLE TASKS you can do to correct the weakness or minimize its effect.
When you’re done, you’ll have a list of 30 actionable things to do. This is your action to-do list. Every week, work on one or two of these items. Stay consistent with it. Hold yourself accountable.
At the end of every month, write down your progress with your task list.
12 months from now, look back on your original list and do the entire drill all over again. I’d be willing to bet that if you stayed with it, looking back on those 12 months will be an eye-opener. Without even realizing it, you’ll have achieved a lot more success than you ever thought possible.
11/10/2009 at 00:30
after reading this, i almost teared up as to how true this rings for asian guys and myself alike. i think anyone would be really apperciative and grateful if you addressed each of those points specifically.
11/10/2009 at 04:39
Ha ha. I never knew or lived any of those statistics. I just never had it in my head that dating was hard for asians. Why? Role models. Bruce Lee. I hate to say it but Jon from Jon and Kate plus 8. That boy was fertile. (Unfortunately his first wife was a controlling bitch but he’s now proving that doesn’t have to be the permanent case). And now DJ Fuji, asian playboy, Johnny wolf. So now no matter what the statistics say, I just never saw that being the truth. And that has helped me in the game better than ever.
My philosophy is guys like me and Fuji make it much easier for women to fall in love with asians. Once they meet me, I become the subconscious reprogrammer of many a woman’s mind. Once people see how good the woman has it and how she is treated, they all want their own asian Filipino to bed. In fact my first loves were all women who had dated an asian guy and wanted the same feeling back.
11/15/2009 at 07:48
In a rush, but wanted to let ya know that I’m def. interested!!
specifically Leading (not so much taking risks) and Emotional Expression through tonality.
You come off as an incredibly balanced individual. Very refreshing and inspiring.
11/16/2009 at 21:11
Im Filipino people think im mexican and asian mix but it never really bothered me people looking at me as a different race. In high school and stuff i guess it did but now i feel like who cares maybe thats just because I’ve matured but really who gives a fuck? Most girls have a stigma of a picture perfect man I’m sure its not William Hung singing talk to me tell me your name. But I’m sure there are a lot who like Dir en grey look whatever it is there is a girl out there who is into it and there is plenty of them its just a matter of finding them
11/17/2009 at 01:09
Dj Fuji, the sexual rice banana… haha
what is your real name anyways? and what’s your asian name? Most asians I know have an asian name and a white name.
It’s pretty awesome that there is the Blasian thing going on. And that Hollywood is shocked.
I am asian and I do not see it hindering me.I am white washed but still have those certain things that make me Asian. I’m vietnamese so people can already tell that im asain by my look, I am part white and they get confused because of my eye color. I have a typical asian mom, and have those asian family traditions etc.
I did/still do get teased about being Asian. But we all get teased. I tease my good friends for being any other race or tease them when they act like morons. It’s just a matter if you let it bother you or not/ how you handle the situation. Being Asian does not bother me at all because it’s so far beyond my reality.
I grew up in a mainly white and hispanic community. And I LOVE white girls.
It’s a matter of preferances. So all you guys that like Asian girls can have them, because I wont be taking them all up. lol
If you have the certain skill sets then being Asian or any other race should not hinder you. It should be able to help you, because most people do not see Asian males dating outside their race and/have those skill sets. When they do meet one, and already have assumptions about Asian males they might be more blown away that he doesnt fit the stereotype.
-Kevin (Crash)
11/17/2009 at 02:12
@Crash–
My real name is Darren. I don’t have an ‘asian’ name… that’s my real name.
You’re right that being successful with dating (interracially or not) has more to do with BEING ATTRACTIVE than with what color your skin is.
I look at this like your level of strength in wrestling or MMA. Most people see [amateur] wrestling and they think it’s a strength battle. But the thing is, technique will always beat strength. Strength only matters when everything else is exactly equal. But it’s less than 10% of the total equation. Fix the other 90%, and you won’t even need to worry about strength (or race/prejudice).
@Aaron: The objective here is NOT to start looking for girls with an asian fetish. The objective is to make yourself more attractive so that the ethnic thing doesn’t make a difference. Say you don’t like black girls. I’d bet money that if Halle Berry or Selita Ebanks started flirting with you at a bar, you wouldn’t blow them off. Because they’re ATTRACTIVE, and it doesn’t matter what color they are, you’re attracted TO them.
11/18/2009 at 20:24
Alright, this “unattractive Asian men” bullshit is such a big deal, I have to comment a thing or two.
A bit about myself. I immigrated to the good ol’ U.S.A. at the age of 15 in the mid-90’s from South Korea with a single mother and a younger brother, and have been living in northern Virginia ever since. Here, I’ve seen enough of Asian-male-white-female relationships in high school and college, all with their peculiarities — the guy always having a higher value than the girl, the girl having Asian fetish, the girl a little retarded, etc., as well as plethora of AMAF relationships, my reality always doubted the myth of the Asian men who can’t get dates.
I’ve been hit by enough white and black girls to doubt it. At first I was taken aback that interracial dating does happen, but I eventually started to not even notice. ‘Just another Asian dude, another blonde.’ Of course, if you go to a 95%+ white population area, it becomes an bizarre oddity; some stare at you even while alone, but add a white girl next to you, people see the unimaginable.
Only one or two Asian guys who couldn’t get dates in high school pop into my mind, but they had zero sex appeal and I thought no woman of any race would date them. Maybe in other parts of the U.S., the statistics is a bit different. My bet is that, as time goes on, the Asian men dating problem will be no more than a sales tool to create attention and controversy. Also, as always, it would be used as an attack tool. Some percentage of men in any race is bound to be unattractive: Big news, ‘who gives a f*ck?’ And yes, when you walk around with an attractive blonde as an Asian man, people do double take, especially the white guys regardless of their age, then they soon accept it as a reality. What choice do they have? It’s there. Heck, even I was not used to the notion: I spent the half of my formative years in a sea of Asians in an Asian country and never seen a single blonde or a black girl until fifteen.
A note of importance: the dating game in an Asian society is pretty much the same as anywhere. The top 5% of the most attractive guys get all the girls and the remaining 95% just stare at the heroic dudes with their mouth open and dry. (It might be different in China, Japan, and the Southest Asia, but I’ve never been to those countries. But I doubt the situation is any different.) Mark this: Even within an Asian society, 95% of the boys and men are considered unattractive by their own women within the same culture, and this phenomenon starts as early as in elementry school, and the girls dream of that fantasy man who can satisfy and fill their every desire and need. (I really can’t say this statistics is any different in any other society: the majority of men really are out of tune with women. Although I would have to admit that I would consider far higher percentage of white, black, and Latino men as more attractive men then the Asian men.)
A retard like William Hung would be considered a douchebag and get beaten in school everyday even in an Asian society – no woman or girl would be even interested in talking to the likes of him. Why do these top 5% get all the girls, and some even manage to lose their virginity before graduating high school in a relatively closed and restrictive society? Well, for one, they don’t give a sh*t. Also, they have some or all of the exact qualities that are considered attractive in a man in the pickup community: leadership, standing up for himself, being dominent, being a protector of loved ones, being a bad boy who make girls cry, taking risks in asking girls out, etc. What does this tell? That 95% of Asian men are considred unattractive at home and abroad? As a male species, the Asian men, as a collective group, have failed. Of course, none of us in this generation caused the past failures and shortcomings ourselves, but we, the Asian men in the Western civilizaiton, have all inherited it in our genes, the Western meme, and the world history. If you fail to get women, either Asian or another race, in your life, then you’ve failed as a man; you didn’t fail just because you’re an Asian. If you’re undateble as a man and clueless about women, whatever your race is, you’ll fail to get a woman of any race.
Of course, Asian men have it hard; they have been trying to fit into an civilization built by other people, the West, who have drastically different temprement, views on life, values, attitudes, and history. There of course are tremendous amount of value and prejucides attached to races. A white woman takes a tremendous risk of lowering her value in dating outside of her race, especially an Asian man due to the perceived and real lower values in the Asian men: and the good news is, you’re the one who should and can lead and help her to overcome those gravities. The Asian failures that started with the Japanese and the Chinese two hundred years ago have continued with all of Asia ever since: A follower who has been conqured and wants to fit in is never attractive. I’m sick and tired of hearing an Asian saying “I’m proud of my ethnicity and culture.” If there were anything to be proud of, none of us would be in a Western society – but it would’ve been the other way around. You have no idea what kind of sh*t had been going on in the Asian countries for millenia. Even the language is inferior. Let’s call a spade a spade.
The only choice we have now is to make a difference and refuse to repeat the past failures and shortcomings.
The Asian men, both dead and alive, created their own reality. It’s nobody’s fault but their own. So, man up, and do something about it. Your parents and ancestors have failed, but it doesn’t mean you have to too. Take a chance on your life, and do something remarkable with it. The laws of value, the sexual attraction dynamics, and the game of power are universal: every man, Asian or not, with an ounce of self-respect should learn — if not master – them. Every man has the responsiblity and duty to make his own life a success. Learn from those living Asian and non-Asian dating masters who already had successes before you, and master the skills yourself. Don’t sit back and do nothing.
Every Asian male of this generation have the inborn responsiblity of reprogramming the image of Asian men in the West and the world, and create a new reality. Do it now with your life: You would be giving your offsprings and posterity that your parents and ancestors failed to give you, and you do have that precious opportunity in your hands right now, today. And once it’s gone, the chances will never come back.
Overcome your obsticles today, or live a failure for the rest of your life and consequently dump those failures to your offsprings and your people: your choice.
Live in the future successes, not in the past failures.
“Every adversity, every failure and every heartache carries with it the Seed of an equivalent or a greater Benefit.” — Think & Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill.
(If you don’t see the truth in this, then you’re really f’ed. Just p*ss in your pants, and don’t even try. Ever wonder why no Asian ever left a stuff as great as that line and book to the humanity? Doesn’t that upset you that you belong to the inadequate people, that you’re one of them? Because they didn’t take the action – they didn’t take the risk of being ridiculed, and when they took a risk, they were oppressed and persecuted by their own people and others saying that no Asian should amount to such a great thing: The expectation became a reality for generations. If you don’t take an action today and do something different, the failure will remain forever. Why shouldn’t it be you who break the vicious cycle? Why shouldn’t YOU be the hero of your own life in your own world? Even God can’t give you a justified reason to that. Take up the highest mantle of responsibility: The well-being of your own life and your people. You have far bigger things at stake than your own life alone.)
P.S.
“and I don’t know who Cintra Wilson is, but if you even notice a f*ed-up attention-wh*re c*nt like her, you’re as much the same p*ssy as her. Who is this c*nt bashing Asian men? I checked out her website, and I think she’s ugly and unattractive, but ordinarily I wouldn’t even mention that because that would be a f*ing waste of my time. From my experience, there are plenty of ugly blondes, and she’s defintely one of them. She can triple-X throwdown my yellow d*ck.”
Also, the interracial dating involving the Asian man is not that new in Hollywood. It can be traced back as early as in the early 20th century, a hundred years ago, starting with the Japanese. Of course, they were never depicted as an ideal man. Why anybody would do such a service? They simply weren’t ideal. Those relationships always failed. But differences can, are being made, and will be made today and tomorrow. Join the force.
11/18/2009 at 21:19
I hear what your sayin fuji dont get me wrong but the intention of what im sayin is the idea of abundance what im sayin is somewhere out there there is a girl that will like you and there are a lot out there
11/18/2009 at 21:52
@Adventure: You know, Adventure, i almost didn’t approve your comment because it comes dangerous close to hate speech. I encourage everyone to voice their opinion, but doing so by flaming and using unnecessary profanity is much more indicate of the author than the subject.
For the record, the quote at CintraWilson.com was written BY A BLACK WOMAN WHO LIKES ASIAN MEN. (See here: http://www.cintrawilson.com/dregs/2008/06/the_unfuckables.php) And even if it weren’t, that PS was wholly unnecessary.
Oh and I AM proud of my ethnicity and my culture. I’m not saying its perfect, but no culture is. Just because i don’t move back to the ‘mother country’ doesn’t mean i cant be proud of my ethnic background.
11/20/2009 at 10:04
@ Adventure
Saying that being Asian is not a big deal is really redundant. That is what Fuji is saying. One quote: ” Let me start off by saying I don’t normally focus much on interracial dating and the whole ‘Asian’ thing because I don’t see it as being that big of a deal.”
If it’s being portrayed as a big deal, Fuji says you can find the culprit for that: “Blame it on the media, or on cultural programming, or evolutionary psychology, or any number of factors…”
This article, seems to me, it’s being judge by things Fuji did NOT express are HIS views. Yet, when some people here write, they tend to forget that; Fuji is writing about them and not adopting those views.
Be optimistic in your conclusions, especially when you are not sure what the intent of the writer is on any given text. In fact, in game, it is the same advice, be optimistic in your reading and calibration of your target. You will find that most of the time what is happening is helping you to get to your goals and is congruent with YOUR intentions.
11/23/2009 at 00:26
Hey Fuji,
Great article! Good points. As being Asian, it is what it is. I like the approach of getting over it. Yes Asian men have some challenges than most but they can be overcome.
Thanks for an enlightenment and hope you can add more tips to help Asian men out. Looking forward to hearing more.
FAB
11/23/2009 at 22:29
what up DJ Fuji !
“Dating is really no different than any other skill. And it’s simply that. A skill.”
that sums up the way I feel about the subject too. I am filipino and feel that yes, girls might treat me differently, but at the same time, still find myself having a blast wherever me and my friends go.
Different races have different challenges and thats what makes it really exciting for me.
11/25/2009 at 11:00
I liken a skilled pickup artist to a great comedian with excellent comic skills (i.e. Sascha Cohen Baron)
Lets say your in a bad mood or you have something against Sascha Cohen, but your friend convinces you to go with him to see his stand up routine.
So you go with him with much hesitancy. When the show begins, and Sascha (or one of his characters Ali G/Borat) takes center stage and starts to perform his comic routine. Because he is so skillful as a comic, there is a good chance that you’ll likely end up in a state of laughter even if you despise him.
As someone studying and developing his pick up skills, you want to sway the girl your gaming from a logical state to an emotional state where she ends up being sexually attracted to you even if she is against short, Asian guys or whatever issues you think she may have against you.
DJ Fuji: I’m definitely interested in your take on you take on the sticking points.
11/26/2009 at 09:24
All I gotta say was the first half African/Asian I saw was the guy in 2 Live Crew…what a proud role model…
http://www.theredmole.com/
http://www.youtube.com/user/theREDmolecom