The Tao of DJ Fuji

I actually started writing this post months ago but just finished it up now. It’s on having mentors and why it’s important to your development. Hope you guys get something out of it.

Montreal

June 2009

So I just finished my San Diego “Core Fundamentals” boot camp on Sunday, going ‘til 1am (yeah, we went over schedule a bit) and I’m currently typing this in the back of a cab in Montreal, Quebec. Canada is so much like the U.S. that I’m consistently surprised when they ask for my passport. I forgot who said this, but I heard once that Canada is just America with free health insurance. And recycling. Lots and lots of recycling. It’s like San Francisco except people say “out” very strange. We say “out” like “ow-t.” They say it like “ooot.” Listen to Mystery and Tyler say any word that ends with what sounds like “out.” Like “about.” It’s like a subtle reminder that you’re not in Kansas anymore, dorthy.

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Ok so fast forward a few days. It’s now Thursday and I’m continuing this blog entry after several days of hanging out here. I also got a chance to speak at the Montreal Lair, headed up by the esteemed Cliff of Cliff’s List Fame.

I’ve developed a love-hate relationship with Montreal. Meaning, I love the food. And I hate everything else about the city. Hahaha. It’s true. Got turned down by doormen at two clubs in a row because they didn’t like my fashion. I’ve NEVER gotten anything but compliments at the hottest and trendiest clubs in LA, NY, Chicago, Manhattan, London, Toronto, Las Vegas, and just about every other major city in the world. The girls in said clubs are meh too. Worse, 99% of guys here are douchebags. It’s like douchebag heaven here. I didn’t know one country could have so many of them. Think about entire clubs filled with popped collars, shirts unbuttoned to belly buttons, hair-line facial hair (the chin strap), bling necklaces…and to make things worse, french accents. Now imagine aforementioned individuals who walk around the club mean-muggin’ and trying to act tough to impress people. Yeah, I feel sorry for the girls here.

But I digress.

Today I want to talk about having mentors. It’s something I talked about at the San Diego Workshop and I think it’s very important to your overall development.

You probably haven’t thought much about finding a mentor or why that’s important. I know I didn’t at first. But as the old cliché goes, I wish I knew THEN what I know NOW.

Mentors are important because they help guide you and assist you along your path to self improvement. It doesn’t really matter what skill or thing you’re trying to learn, either. Style had Mystery. Daniel-san had Mr. Miyagi. Michael Jordan had Phil Jackson. And so on and so forth. Without a mentor, you often find yourself floundering around without any direction or guidance.

You’ve probably had mentors at some point in your life. Maybe it was a teacher who took special notice and helped you through a tough time. Maybe it was a parent or an older brother who provided some much needed wisdom. Whatever the case, you probably benefitted greatly from their guidance. What you want to do in pickup (and in every other area of your life that you want to improve) is the exact same thing.

I have had (and continue to have) mentors in outer game, in inner game, in lifestyle, and every other aspect and skill I want to get good at. My inner game mentor, for example, is a good friend of mine with an MBA who is also VERY well versed in inner game. He calls me out every time I’m feeding my ego or I do things which are bad for inner growth. I consult him before making emotional decisions and especially before sending angry emails out. You guys all need mentors like this. I’ve learned more from my inner game mentor than any ebook, video course, or self-affirmations product out there.

This also applies to the people you hang out with, even if they’re not officially mentors. I read somewhere once that they say you are a composite of the 6 people you hang out with the most. So it’s in your best interest to surround yourself with successful, positive, value-bringing people. That’s not to say you have to get all Machiavellian and dump your friends who aren’t multimillionaires – but at the same time you want to be around people who bring positive value to your life. Cut out those who just take, take, take. Re-evaluate whether your so-called friends are actually people you enjoy being around, or are simply people you’ve known for a long time so they’re familiar.

That means if you want to be rich, make friends who are financially successful. If you want to be good at game, surround yourself with naturals or guys who are successful at it. And surround yourself with women and female friends.

One thing I constantly see is a guy who wants to get good at meeting women so he goes out, reads ebooks, watches dvd products, even goes to seminars…and then surrounds himself with guys who are worse than himself. I’m all for winging with a variety of skill levels, but for the most part, I want to be around guys who are better than me. Every single one of my wings is a natural. And they’re pretty much all better than me. These guys are simply amazing. I’d put money on them against any “pickup artist” in the world. Sure, they’re mostly tall, popular, good looking guys, but much of what I’ve learned about being successful with women is by being around them and picking up things from them. You are very much a product of your environment.

I know what you’re thinking. “But Fuji, how do I make friends with naturals/guys who are good with women?” The answer is a lot simpler than you think: the same way you’d make friends with anyone else.

Find commonalities and shared interests, bring value, and don’t be weird. See that guy in the club with women all around him? Don’t try to “amog” him and take his women. Go up and befriend him. Even if you don’t talk to any of the girls he’s with, he will be an invaluable friend and resource to you. In return, you have to give value to him as well. Perhaps he’s looking for a job and you have good connections. Maybe you’re an expert in finance and he’s looking to stop living paycheck-to-paycheck. Or maybe you’re just a cool, fun guy who can bring him women too. In either case, most solid friendships are based on a mutual value exchange. You have plenty of value to give. You just have to be resourceful and think. Don’t go into interactions (regardless of intent or type) trying to take something from the group or person. Go in giving, and you will receive more value in return than you know what to do with.

Take Action: Constantly ask this question when you meet new people: “What value can I bring this person?”